ilysm xx

For a long time, whenever I made room in my heart for a guy, and they would leave me or ignore me and date someone else lol or go back to his ex or cheat, I was left feeling low about myself. I truly thought there must be something wrong with me and that made them want to leave.

I felt like a female purgatory or waiting room. Like I was just someone to pass the time with, where it’s not quite the heaven they want but they thought oh it’s better than the hell of being single. I saw myself as the one they’re with – until they meet who they actually want to be with.

But the problem was that I knew I had so much love to give, and I wanted love returned. I was confident that I could love them the way they needed to be loved, I wanted to take care of them. So it hurt. I was dying to be the one to love them.

After every goodbye or “go f*ck yourself” it was hard for me to let go. I just wanted to love and be loved. I kept feeling sorry for myself, thinking oh no one is going to come around and love me back. I remember crying to my Dad “But when will someone love me?”. I struggled to get out of that low for years.

As the sun set on 2017 I finally realized that the one I should have been trying to love so hard was myself. There was never anything wrong with me, I needed to love myself and treat myself better before I could love anyone else. I saw how blessed I am to be able to give love and want to keep giving love. I drew inspiration from my parents selfless love. I started to love myself and feel grateful for the downs I had. Now I know that I never need anyone else to make myself feel happy or wanted or loved again.

So now I feel like I have this infinite flow of love!! I can give as much love as I want to, to anyone I want to. They can take this love. No prerequisites no conditions no expectations. Free!

I have the power to love all you suckers and not need it returned to be happy!

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m a believer of things happening and people coming into your life for a reason. So I think maybe in the past I was never meant to have my love reciprocated from those boys cause they weren’t the ones to love me, maybe my purpose was only to give love. Maybe those boys needed my love at that time, idk. But I’m honestly glad that I felt all those lows and that sadness. I needed it so that I could appreciate my own love and feel as powerful and full of love as I feel today.

AHHH it feels amazing! I love me xx

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